Thursday, February 10, 2011

Sunshine in Hell

We had an awful night! Nina is tormented, that is the best way I can explain it. Up is down, down is up, nothing tastes right, she can't get comfortable, she panics when her voice gives, she can't stand to hear things too loud or too soft, things smell wrong, everything is awful.

Everything is awful one second and then, somehow, she finds the strength to be happy.

Sosie (our niece) and I spent hours last night trying to make her happy. She claimed she was starving but nothing sounded good. She screamed. She yelled. She hollered. Finally I had to be firm and tell her she couldn't scream any more because Teddy and daddy needed to sleep and I added that if she couldn't stop then we would have to go see the doctor. She said I was a mean mama but I reassured her I loved her and that I knew she was not feeling good but that I was there right by her and we'd figure it out and that we had no other choice but to pull it together. I made her some butter toast (I loaded it up with butter) and demanded she eat a bite. She yelled that I was mean and I insisted. Then she took a bite and swallowed. I gave her a second piece and she chucked it across the room. I gave her a third and she ate it and then reached for a fourth. After the fourth, she looked at me and said, "It's good toast." I kissed the top of her head and we watched Dora and ate butter toast while Sosie finished her history homework.

After the toast, she said she wanted yogurt and granola but didn't want me to go to the store because she missed me too much when I was gone. Sosie wrapped her arms around her and reassured her that it would be fine for me to go. Eventually she agreed but actually ended up falling asleep before I left. At 11:30pm I ran to Vons and then to McDonalds. Fries sounded really good to me and I thought she might agree.

At 3am she woke up quietly asking for food. I asked if she wanted french fries and she smiled. I heated up the fries and she devoured them and said, "Mama thank you for the fries. They are soooo yummy."
Sosie and I also had fries! Then she asked for her yogurt. She gobbled it up, "Mmmm, I like the yogurt. I'm done now." and fell back onto her pillow. I smooched her cheeks, tucked her in tightly, and told Sosie I loved her.

She is still happily sleeping.

In the midst of our personal tour in hell, there is still sunshine. Her name is Nina. We will always have sunshine!!!!!!!!!!


  1. Hi Rosy, it's Sarah Stretchberry, Jim and Pats daughter. I just wanted to let you know I have been reading every post since the beginning of your ordeal. I have been praying for Nina and you and your family the entire time as well. It breaks my heart to think of how hard this journey must be on all of you. Please know I will continue to pray.
    Love, Sarah Stretch

  2. I'm an anonymous reader... your dedication to your daughter is simply beautiful. I thought about this post a lot yesterday, and I just wanted to say that while nina is your sunshine in hell, I'm certain YOU are her sunshine as well! You are an amazing mother! You inspire others and we are dedicated in praying for your precious daughter!