Day 152

Sunday January 16, 2011

Nina had slept so-so. Her ataxia had slowly been getting worse since the MRI. I was still holding off on giving her a higher dose of steroids because of all the side effects. Bruno had commented on how profound her symptoms had changed since Christmas. Yesterday, she had refused to let her "wiggliness" keep her from hiking around on the rocks and the bluffs. Today, it was hard to motivate her to walk to the kitchen. Dr. Danialpour had said that some days were going to be good while others bad. We just need to take it in stride and focus on creating happiness wherever possible.

Lucky for us, Nina was creating her own happiness. Nina had baby on the brain!!! Everything was about the baby, how big it was, when it was going to come out, who was going to change to diapers, etc. Bruno and Michelle especially loved the quote she had told Eileen about Michelle the prior week, "She has to eat a lot of food to cook up the baby!" Pure darlingness! At one point, I suggested that Teddy learn to change the baby's diaper and Teddy melted to the ground in disgust, "No way...now way Mister! Not happening!" We all laughed and Nina interject, "Don't worry, I'll change them!" Oh honey girl! How we are all praying for that!

I made a killer Tex-Mex fritata for breakfast (Teddy requested hard boiled eggs....totally random but good for him!) and we all stuffed our faces. As soon as we took our last bite, Teddy sounded the trumpets and announced the silly string battle was about to commence. The kids had an absolute blast. Who knew so much fun could come in a bottle :)

After the battle of the century :), we drove downtown to the Cabrillo Art Walk. Nina was tired and cranky and didn't want to go but we pressed on. Teddy was absolutely delighted to be out together! We parked at the pier and bought some candy at Mother Stearns. As we walked toward the Art Walk, he took my hand and kissed it. He looked over at me and said, "You're the bestest, most wonderful, most beautiful mom in the world!" I hugged him and told him I loved him to which he replied, "I love you more!" What a lovebug indeed!

For about 30 minutes, we walked up and down Cabrillo, enjoying the beautiful art. Teddy had lots of questions and comments and even complimented an artist, "I really like your art!" The woman was totally tickled by Teddy's sweetness! Eventually, it was time to return home and have lunch. This perked up Nina :)

After lunch, Bruno and Michelle said their goodbyes. Their visit had been such a blessing and now their departure was hard to bare! We hugged and squeezed and promised to see eachother soon!

The remainder of our day went by quickly. Nina napped while I ran errands. After dinner, Teddy and I loaded our bikes into my car and drove to UCSB. For a while now, I've been trying to do something special with Teddy on a weekly basis. He needs this one-on-one time and I cherish every second of it. Tonight, we drove to UCSB and then proceeded to ride to Campus Pointe. Teddy thought this was especially cool because it was nightfall. We arrived at Campus Pointe and hiked up to the bluffs. The stars were amazing and Teddy loved seeing the moon reflect on the pounding waves. This time together is spectacular and always leads to the most profound conversations ever!

Tonight, Teddy confessed that he missed being a little kid. We talked about what he specifically missed and he said he missed playing with daddy and having me call him love bug. I hugged him tighter and said I would be happy to start calling him lovebug again and that the only reason I had stopped was because he had asked me to. I asked what else he missed and he wasn't able to really identify anything so we went through a number of ideas and eventually identified that he also missed it when we hugged him for a long time when he got hurt. I then took advantage of the topic to explain that as we get older things change and we find ourselves with more responsibility but that it's a good thing. I also added (like in previous conversations) that sometimes life throws us curve balls and negative things happen but that we can choose to still be thankful and still choose happiness in spite of the negative things around us. Teddy said he understood and I am beginning to think that my mantra is setting in. I finished our talk by reassuring Teddy that he could always come talk to us, that we loved him profoundly and that we always need to communicate our needs and thoughts with each other. After we shoved our bikes back into my car, Teddy summoned me over to him and he wrapped himself around my neck (he was standing inside the car!) He held onto me for a long time and whispered into my ear, "I love you mama!" I repeated the sentiment to which he added before smooching me, "I love you more!" What a precious boy!