Day 164

Friday January 28, 2011

Yvonne spent the day making Valentines with Nina while Linda took me out to LA for a belated birthday make-over. Nina went to Michaels and picked out beautiful supplies for making Valentine's Day cards and I went to a posh Beverly Hills hair salon and picked out a new hair style.

Later in the day I spoke with Yvonne who noted that although they had a lovely day, that Nina's symptoms were much more profound. In essence, Yvonne had practically seen Nina on a weekly basis for the past month. With each passing visit, I could tell that Yvonne's worry and dread increased exponentially. Of course my sweetheart friend would always try to calm my spirit by focusing on all the great things they had done and how Nina pressed forward with unmatched grace and courage.

I reported Yvonne's observations for the day to the Marbans who immediately called Dr. Danialport. The main concern was her increased drooling, ataxia, and difficulty speaking and swallowing. Dr. Danialport suggested against doing the steroids every other day because it was creating a see-saw effect on Nina emotionally. On the contrary, he thought we should give her the steroids every day to even out the ups and downs. I could tell that Eduardo was severely worried. We stood in their hallway and discussed how the brain stem is incredibly tiny, like the tip of my pinkie, and that even the smallest of changes (invisible on an MRI) could cause immense complications and changes. It was precisely because of this that I had not really found comfort in there being no change in the MRI taken at the beginning of the month. Since Christmas night Nina's symptoms had been intensifying. If these were not being caused by edema then the only logical conclusion was that they were being caused by the tumor. My body went cold!

I thanked Yvonne and the Marbans from the bottom of my heart. Their love for us is unparalleled. After a peaceful dinner, I returned home and found Nina sleeping comfortably with Todd upstairs. I kissed her sweet chubby cheeks then Teddy's freckled nose before crawling my way onto the living room mattress. I lay on that mattress, the throne (or arguably prison cell) that Nina had basically been living on for the past 5 months and inhaled my daughter. I buried my face into the comforter that covered her sweet body on a daily basis and let it drench me in all the happiness and sadness that co-existed on that small space. I was soooo cold!!! How I ached for warmth!!!! I wrapped myself tightly with that comforter and focused on warmth. I don't remember falling asleep.