Day 180

Sunday February 13, 2011

Holding Teddy's gifts as she sleeps in!

Teddy woke up in the most excellent mood ever!!! My folks got up and went to Vons to pick up supplies for breakfast. The girls were fast asleep. Nina had woken up about every 3 hours. This time she didn't stay awake for very long, maybe a few seconds. It reminded me of our summer before she was diagnosed. The first symptom we noticed was sleep disturbance. Summer of 2010 seems like a lifetime ago. I feel so old and depleted, like I'm running on empty but yet have 5,000,000 miles to go.

As I lay on the couch, I heard Teddy stirring. I went upstairs and crawled up into his bunk bed. He didn't say a word, just lifted the covers so I could lay next to him. Instantly his little legs were wrapped around me and he had his face nuzzeled in my neck. "Good morning love bug." I whispered into his ear. He pulled back and gave me the biggest smooch, "Good morning gorgeous!" I burst into laughter and so did he. We cuddled for about 15 minutes before I reached over and turned on iCarly on his laptop. Eventually the smell of bacon sizzling downstairs beckoned loud enough that we couldn't resist :)

Napping and holding hands with Mama

We had an amazing day!!! I was convinced when I had gone to bed that Teddy was going to be depressed and severely upset today. He had spent the majority of Saturday crying off and on. He must have pulled me aside into a bedroom about 3 times to ask me a question about Nina's illness and then burst into tears. On Saturday this most precious of boys had grieved exactly like we have and it killed me! But today, it was like he was filled with an overwhelming spirit of joy! When Nina woke up he ran to her side and hugged her. Everything she wanted he insisted on getting. Whenever she yelled at him and tried to smack him he laughed and took in stride, noting that it was okay and that he could wait until she was calm!!!!!!!! We all watched the miracle before our eyes!!! Quietly I thanked God.

While my folks finished preparing breakfast, Teddy pulled me into Nina's room and closed the door, "Is she dying now? Is it happening right now?" My heart sank. I hugged him and reassured him that she was fine now and that we would tell him when things got bad. He squeezed me back, relief noticeably spreading over his body. I thanked him for not saying anything in front of Nina and asking me instead of worrying. As we cuddled on the bed, Nina kept shouting for me, "Mama come here!", "Mama, come right now!" I shouted back that I needed a moment. She did not like that response at all and said, "Mama come here right now or I'm going to kick your butt!" Teddy and I burst into laughter and with that, he was out the door. I went to the Queen's side and asked her who she thought the boss around here was. Without missing a beat she said, "Me!" with all the authority in the world. My folks, Sosie and I just laughed hysterically. By this point it was mid morning. Todd had slept in but all the commotion and threats of violence must have woken him up. When he came downstairs, he was greeted with sugar from Nina :)

I went into the kitchen and hugged my sweet folks. How I love them! We talked about Teddy's amazing strength!!!! Tears welled in our eyes and we watched him pour sweetness over Nina! We all crave information. No one wants to be left in the dark. Teddy has known Nina was severely sick for a long time and he has worried that she might die. I understood the calm spirit that now rested in him. He knew the game plan. He was part of the game plan to the fullest degree and as strange as it sounds that brought him comfort. I understood all too well!!!

While we got ready for the morning, our friend and Nina's pediatrician Dan Brennan stopped by for a short visit. I was upstairs getting ready but Todd and Sosie told me that upon seeing Dan, Nina immediately scolded him, "Your boy Andy said I have chubby cheeks!" Oh my goodness does the girl have balls!!! Back in December when the Brennans had come over for dinner, their 3 year old had very matter of factly stated that Nina had chubby cheeks. She had never forgotten this injury!!! She had been slighted and now she was saying something about it! True to form, Dan didn't miss a beat and apologized, explaining that they all have big cheeks in their family so it's really more like a compliment :) When Sosie told me this story, I burst into laughter. Nina would take on the President of the free world if he bugged her!!! What a hoot!!!

Sweetness

After breakfast, Teddy proclaimed that we needed to do something. So.....we all showered and got dressed. Nina loved her wagon. She physically felt comfortable in it versus feeling trapped and squished in the stroller. Consequently, she was eager to go shopping for shoes and dresses. Teddy jumped into my lap and asked if we could go to a toy store so he could use some of his allowance money. I suggested Kernahan's

Man, was I ever right. Nina went full on nutso on me. All the way to the mall she screamed and hollered, calling me names. When that didn't work to get a response from me, she proceeded to state that Teddy was stupid. I got very firm and told her that Teddy adored her above all things and that I would not tolerate her being mean to him. I warned her that if she said something mean to her she'd lose all of her stars and allowance money. That pissed her off!!! "You're stupid Mama!" she yelled at me. It was practically impossible for Sosie, my mom and I not to laugh!!! We avoided eye contact with each other because we knew that we wouldn't be able to contain ourselves. She proceeded to insult me a couple more times. When I didn't respond she said, "Mama don't you know how much I love you? Don't be mean to me!" I melted and told her that I loved her dearly but that she still couldn't be mean to Teddy!

Nina wasn't mean to Teddy at all. She behaved at the toy store and hung out in her wagon. She seemed so fragile laying there :( After the toy store she said she didn't want to go clothes shopping but wanted to get lunch. After a round of tossing around lunch ideas, she settled on CPK. At the restaurant, the sweet girl tired to sit in the booth but couldn't get comfortable. Nina is in misery. It is written all over her face and perfect strangers can see it, I see the sadness reflected in their eyes when they look at her.

During this entire time, Sosie and Teddy were delightfully upbeat and positive! I couldn't thank God enough! They are so strong, so loving, and so precious!!!!!

Playing around at CPK

Vovo pulling the wagon...yummy vanilla ice cream!

Hanging out at Paseo Nuevo....just relaxing under the beautiful Santa Barbara sky

We spent the afternoon out on State Street and wrapped up our day by watching a movie with my folks. Teddy sat on my dad's lap while Nina tried to get comfortable. One second it was too cold and the next she'd insist on us opening the sliding glass door because it was too hot. Poor baby!!! We all sat in the dark, watching the movie, hearing Nina suffer, praying for our miracle!!!