Monday, December 20, 2010


I just woke up. Everyone is still asleep. It's pouring, pounding rain outside, has been for days. I just had the worst nightmare ever! My heart is racing so fast and my entire chest cavity feels like it has an elephant sitting on it, it hurts severely. I can barely breathe and I feel dizzy!!! I feel I'm having a panic attack!!

In my dream Teddy was screaming for Nina. He was running around every where, shouting out her name in sheer terror because he couldn't find her!!! He kept yelling, "Where is she?" and then shouting her name. Oh dear God, please don't let this happen!!!!!!!!

I'm going to be sick.....

I just lay in bed, next to Nina and rubbed her back. I commanded myself to breathe and listen to the rain.

Then my phone was Dan Brennan saying hello. It felt great to hear from my dear friend. He told me that he knew of a family in California that had a child recently diagnosed with a similar tumor. The family had been reading my blog and were hoping to get in touch with me. Hearing from Dan and hearing that I could possibly be of encouragement to another family trapped in this nightmare pulled me out of my slippery slope immediately. I responded to Dan and thanked him!! The Brennans have been our constant companions and supporters throughout this ordeal. They give us immeasurable encouragement, even when the don't know they are, just like this exact moment. Timing is everything!

1 comment:

  1. Rosy....
    I am so sorry... So very sorry for all of the difficult things you and Todd have had to do through out this journey. With the most recent being the "arrangements" and the chemo. Please know that my heart is heavy and praying for your family as well as all others that have been faced with such monsters of illness within your children. May God continue to show love and support through friends and family.

    Try to remember....the Teddy dream was just a dream! The love, strength and support he gets from his loving wonderful parents will comfort him and guide him on his own journey through this. God will guide and protect all of you.

    Please try to have a wonderful day (though rainy...blech!) This week is Christmas and there is so much to love about that! :) Enjoy your days with Todd home and having your family together. Thinking of you all and sending you big hugs and Prayers!