Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Day 85

Wednesday November 10, 2010

When my kids were babies I loved taking naps with them. Those little naps, where I held them in the crook of my arm, listening to their hearts beat and feeling their warm breath fall onto my chest, are still some of my favorite memories. There was something sacred about those little naps. It was just me and my most precious baby. For that tiny period of time, nothing else existed. The world was just me and my baby (or babies once Nina was born!). When I close my eyes, I can still feel them. Their tiny feet touching my stomach; their tiny hand wrapped around my thumb; their tiny mouth slightly open, precious lips asking to be kissed! Recently, I find my mind going back to those moments a lot. I find great peace in these memories. I hope I always will!!

Today, I did something I haven't in a long time. I napped with Nina! I cannot explain how amazingly wonderful it felt to do this! After I picked up Teddy from school, Nina called for me from the kitchen. I went and sat down next to her. She was sitting on the mattress. As I sat down next to her, Todd arrived home. He was feeling better. He gave Nina a great big hug and then went upstairs. Nina turned to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. We both laid back onto the pillows and before I knew it, we'd both drifted off into dreamland. We actually ended up napping for an hour. I woke up with Nina still holding onto my neck, her warm breath jumping on and off my cheek, her knees (not tiny feet :) anymore!) curled up against my stomach, and her precious fingers resting on the crook of my neck. It was heaven! I kissed the bridge of her nose and thanked God for naps. All that was missing was Teddy napping with us, like when he was 2 years old and Nina a couple of months old :)

Our long nap left Princess Giggles hungry for peanut butter cookies :) As such, she, Auntie Eileen and I went to the kitchen a whipped up a batch. While we waited for the cookies to finish baking, she started snorting! Princess Snorter was delighted with herself and of course we laughed right along with her!

There was universal agreement that the PB cookies were awesome! What I love about baking cookies is the smell that wafts through the house, leaving a hint of sweetness in every room. It's hard to not be happy when you're engulfed by the warm, sweet smell of freshly baked cookies :) As I tidied up the kitchen, Teddy grabbed one more cookie from the cooling rack and slinked out of the kitchen, as if I hadn't seen him. I smiled. I finished rinsing my hands and proceeded to continuing my tidying into the living room. What I saw next warmed my heart. I found Teddy, 8 year old rascally Teddy, curled up in Eileen's lap, eating a PB cookie while she read him a book. He was literally curled up into a ball in her lap. Eileen looked up and flashed me the most beaming of smiles (she was relishing every delicious moment!) and Teddy looked up and flashed me the most coy of smiles (he thought I was smiling at him because he had another PB cookie in his hand....nope! I was smiling at him loving on Auntie Eileen!). I know that Teddy will be transformed by his sister's illness and that the way we cope and reframe this tragedy (if we don't get our miracle) will set the tone for the rest of his life. What I pray Teddy learns most from this journey, irrespective of outcome, is how precious life is and how we need to love one another!

After we got the kids settled with dinner and homework, Eileen and I went to Ruth's Chris for cocktails. We sat at the bar, peach martinis in hand, and proceeded to cry on and off for the next hour and a half. By this point, the bar tender at Ruth's Chris must think I'm a nut! How many times can one single woman come to the same spot and sob over peach martinis! Hey...Sobbing Over Peach Martinis....kind of sounds like the title of a killer novel :)

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