Sunday, December 12, 2010

Day 82

Sunday November 7, 2010

Saying goodbye is never easy. Now, saying goodbye is bitter because we all recognize it might be one goodbye closer to permanency. I am a believer so I know that if Nina has to go to Heaven that it doesn't mean I lose her permanently, that I will see her again and get to spend eternity with her. However, if I have to lose her to Heaven so early, it means I will spend a long while (the people in my family live a long freaking time!) without her and it will feel like a permanent loss. This thought is like fire. It sears my soul, making me want to scream and roll on the ground, desperately trying to put out the flames. The problem is that these flames can never be put out!!!

We said goodbye to the Dawsons, Todd took a nap, Teddy and I worked on some homework, and Nina played Mahjong on the ipad. I felt tired!!!!!!! Not from playing with my friends Friday night but from life in general! My world was turned upside down. Nothing was secure!!!!! How I yearn for comfort and security!!!

A small piece of my comfort and security arrived today....Eileen was back and how I had missed her!! In fact, we had all missed her! My sister from Boston was back!!! Yip yip yahoo!!!

Teddy missed Eileen!

Frequently, I find myself thinking that this is all just a nightmare. That I've had a really terrible car crash and am in a bad coma and that all of this insanity is just my brain try to pull itself together, just a ton of awful crazy neural activity! Maybe it is all just a bad dream and I'm in a coma!! Please let it be a coma!!!! Don't let this be reality!!!!!!!


  1. hello rosy! i just want to say that i feel like every time i read your blog, i end up getting sucked into reading for well over an hour! God has gifted you in communicating life with such authenticity and faith wrapped up in fierce courage. i've been reading and meditating on the lament psalms in the Bible and realize that crying out to God in the midst of trouble is what over half of the psalms are about. your voice is an incredible addition to the voices of saints who knew Who held them when they were in the depths. rosy, you are an amazing woman of God, fully pro-family, pro-thankfulness, and pro-joy. i have been blessed so much by sharing in this season of your family's via your blog. you and your family are a treasure! keep writing.

  2. What a beautiful picture! They both look fabulous...and look at the sparkling, stunning ring! Congrats Eileen ...~:)

    You, Todd and the kids, have such amazing friends and are all so blessed! Your support cup is overflowing with love~