I am so tired!
My entire life has been defined by giving and I have always done it out of love. Now more than ever I am being called to give and I give every second of the day, even when all I want to do is crawl in bed and never come out. But crawling in bed and never coming out is not an option. I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other but I am so tired!!!
I am tired!!
I am tired!!!
I am tired!!!!!
I have been praying for your family since I started reading your blog over the last week.
ReplyDeleteTonight I am especially praying the Lord would give you His divine rest and peace while you sleep. May He multiply the sleep you get and allow it to be the most refeshing you've ever felt.
Will continue to pray for your lovely daughter Nina! Thanks for sharing her life and yours with us thru the blog. I have been truly blessed by it!
In Him,
The Strayer Family (Jason, Jillian, and Baby Jack)
Tacoma, WA
Rosy - We have never met, but we have a unique connection by our children's fight with brain stem tumors. I came across Nina's story from another blog and instantly read it from past to present. Much of your experiences are like ours and even more so your thoughts, wishes, and moments of sorrow are identical. I wish I could hug your through the computer at this moment.
ReplyDeleteNina is quiet possibly the cutest girl I have ever seen! What a beauty! Even with her decadron cheeks she is gorgeous! Her smile is just priceless!
I know you are tired. It is totally allowed for you to take a moment here and there to be selfish for a few seconds. Take a nap, go on a walk, have a good cry, grab lunch with a friend, anything that can help you breathe for a moment and regather your strength. I used to feel guilty for taking any time for myself, yet I realized I was not being the best mommy if I didn't. I needed a moment to cry my eyes out and throw myself a pity party or laugh until I cried with a good friend. This journey is an emotional rollercoaster!
We are much like you allowing no tears in front of our children surrounding them with constant laughter and happiness. We let them dictate. Sometimes as the parent it is all you can do to hold back the tears during these great times as your dreaded fears creep into your mind and flood your happiness. It can be beyond overwhelming.
Sadly, we didn't choose this life and no one said it would be easy. We had no choice and it sucks. We must find strength to rise to the occasion despite it all. We would do anything to change it! These are the hardest days in life, yet we'd do it all over again for more time with our babies.
When I am at my low, I look into my innocent son's eyes and he gives me all the strength I need to go on. I refuse to let this stupid tumor ruin any of my days with my son! I let his laugh, his smile, his tender touch be my inspiration each day. I am sure you often do this with Nina.
Try to find a tiny miracle in each day. It is easy to only see the heartache, but truly if you look deep enough there is always joy too.
Hang in there mama! I am so sorry you are going through this. Few people can truly understand what this is like, but I do. Please email me if you need a friend who sympathizes. Until then we pray for nothing short of a miracle for sweet Nina.
Many hugs and constant positive thoughts,
Kristin
krdonley@vt.edu
I'm right down the street and here to help out however possible.
ReplyDeletexoxoxoox
Lauren
Rosy, My heart is breaking for you. Please let me know if I can do anything to help. I am always open for another lunch. Love, Pat
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you always... I am so sorry Rosy!
ReplyDeleteHugs and Prayers Always!
~Amy