Monday, January 3, 2011

Day 122

Friday December 17, 2010

Excitement and trepidation. Eagerness and avoidance. Happiness and looming fear. I woke up feeling an intense range of emotions. Nina had now slept perfectly for the entire week. I should have been feeling like a million bucks but I wasn't. Although I was "sleeping" more, my dreams were really heavy and dark. I found myself waking up multiple times, almost out of breath. Most of the time, I couldn't recall what I had dreamt about. All I knew was that I was scared!

When I dropped off Teddy, he eagerly reminded me that today was his class holiday party. I asked him if he wanted me to bring Nina and he instantaneously responded, "Of course I do. She'll have fun!" I fall in love with this boy more and more! Just when I don't think my heart can possibly love him more, the depth and magnitude of my love for him explodes. Some days, my thoughts about Teddy vacillate quicker than neurons can fire. I go from worrying so profoundly that I think I'm suffocating to finding tranquility in the strength of his character faster than the speed of light! Sometimes I leave myself dizzy!

At first, Nina didn't want to go to the class party. She gave me her unfortunately painful line that everyone was going to stare at her. I told her it was going to be lots of fun and that she'd get to play games with Teddy and his friends and eat some fun treats. More importantly, I explained that she could either come with me, or hang out with Larisa or Mendy. After some deep contemplation, she decided to come with me. As it turns out, Nina had a blast and Teddy was the proudest I've ever seen. He was so gracious and loving with his sister! What was most amazing was to see how he adapted himself in response to her needs. That is, she wanted to remain in her stroller but as a result couldn't fit at his table. Instead of getting frustrated, he suggested moving to another table so she could sit comfortably and join him and his friend Thomas for a friendly game of Dreidel. The kids had a blast together! I have never been more proud of Teddy than today! The compassion he showed his sister was as vast as the oceans and high as the tallest mountains! He is magnificent!!!

Ready for a friendly game of Dreidel!


Showing off Nina's locket

Proud Brother

When we got home, he continued his sweetness by suggesting another game of Dreidel. I was dying watching Teddy explain what each sign meant. I knew that my Jewish friends (mainly Eileen and Danny) would get a kick out of this so I pulled out the iphone and videotaped them for a bit! It was just too much fun to watch and hear Teddy call out נ (Nun), ג (Gimel), ה (Hei), ש (Shin).

The three of us spent the rest of the evening hanging out. Todd attended his work's happy hour and hung out with friends. I was very glad for him. The kids and I painted a nativity set, played Sponge Bob Operation, and worked on our letters to Santa. Right before bedtime, we got a surprise phone call from Amy Abbott letting us know that she had arranged for us to be able to attend the Santa's breakfast at Nordstroms the following morning. I could not believe their generosity! I told the kids and Teddy was super-duper excited. Nina wasn't too sure about seeing Santa. She said he might be scary. Teddy laughed and looked at me coyly! He had recently discovered that Santa wasn't real and relished in his newfound big-boyness :) I myself, was kind of saddened by it :(

In sum, today was a good day. It never ceases to amaze me how the course of a day can change minute by minute. I had woken up with an extreme heaviness but as I fell asleep cuddling with Nina I no longer felt it. I still had this dark looming feeling over me, but for the time being it didn't feel heavy. Nevertheless, I'd probably change my mind again before finally submitting to slumber! Recently I had found it harder and harder to fight off sleep. If only people would stop praying for me to sleep well :)

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