Thursday, January 20, 2011

Day 138

Sunday January 2, 2011

Everyone slept in super late. I woke up with a stomach ache! Dread was pounding in my gut.

Nina was the first one up after me. As she ate a bowl of oatmeal, I scurried around making sure the last of Silas' clothing got packed up. I had told Todd I was happy to take Silas since he had to return to work the next day, but Todd declined. He and Silas were on the road by 11am and were going to meet Gordy half way. It had been an amazing trip to have him here.

I told my brother that it was like getting a glimpse into the future....seeing what they would be like in adolescence. From what I could tell, it wasn't going to be much different than my experience with Bruno in adolescence: a lot of eating, hanging out with buddies, and stinking up their room. Bruno laughed when I told him that this trip was the first time I noticed that they were kind of smelling a bit funky! Aghhh!

Growing up, my room was right across from Bruno's. I never understood how his room could smell like a gym, even after he showered :) Bruno just let out his famous rolling laugh. How I love the sound of my brother's laugh! I pray that Nina gets the opportunity to say that someday. She has always loved Teddy's laugh but hasn't quite figured that out, or at least how to put into words. When you're a child you recognize that you love your sibling but it isn't until adulthood that you are truly able to article the "ways" in which you love them. For me, I particularly love Bruno's ability to be affectionate, his heart for his family, his laugh, and his sick sense of humor! It is hard to spend time with Bruno and not laugh, both at him and at the funny crap that comes out o his mouth! Teddy will be that kind of man too. He has a killer sense of humor, always has, and it will only flourish with age. I pray, ceaselessly, for Nina to be able to call Teddy to just check in and spend 15 minutes laughing hysterically at his dumb-ass antics!!! My friend Jenny said it best when she came to visit....boys are willing to do anything to get a laugh from the girls in their lives. This is true when they are 3, 30, or a 103. Women just sometimes forget that!

Nina was exhausted. The past two weeks had been amazing but had pushed her physically. For the most part, she had kept up without much ado. However, with the increased symptoms came increased fatigue. It was now extremely hard for her to walk. She tried to get up a couple of times without calling for me and toppled over onto the mattress. I asked her to call for me so that she wouldn't fall onto the ground and get hurt. She frowned. How could she not? That request was like me asking her to admit defeat, that she wasn't capable of the simple movement of standing up. My poor sweet precious girl!

While Todd and Silas braved the New Year's traffic, the kids and I hung out and prepared for life to return to "normal". I did laundry and dishes while the kids played Club Penguin. After lunch, Teddy and I did some homework. He is getting so much better and controlling his temper. When I brought out the math packet he hadn't finish prior to the holidays, he slammed his head onto the couch in exasperation. I just sat there, blankly, starring at his insanity. At the beginning of November it would have taken 10 minutes for him to "pull it together" with me. Now it took on average 2 minutes. Upon seeing my annoyance, he sat up straight, ran is hands over his button nose and said, "Okay mom, I've got this. Let's just chill and get it over with." I laughed, softly so as not to piss him off, and kissed the bridge of his nose (I love that spot!) and thanked him for pulling it together. We finished the last two sheets without any further hitches. Before bolting for the outdoors (I'm sure he realized he should make his escape before I brought out something else for him to do!) he crawled into my lap and said, "Mom, you're such an angel! You're too good to me!" This time I laughed out loud as I squeezed him! I adore this boy and he knows exactly what to say to his sappy mama!!

Traffic was insane! Nonetheless, Todd and Gordy met half way and Silas was returned home safe and sound. By the time Todd made it back home it was almost 6pm. Nina was happy to see her dad and immediately asked him to play Wii. I could tell that Todd felt exhausted but he obliged. Teddy had rediscovered a toy box full of Star Wars figurines and was busy in his room playing pretend. As I put laundry away, I'd hear the sounds of battling light sabers and plummeting characters each time I passed by his room. That boy has a fabulous capacity for sound effects! Too funny!

Shortly after dinner, Todd went upstairs to cut his hair. Nina was sitting on the living room mattress doing a puzzle with me when she heard the buzz of the hair clippers echo down the stairs. Instantly she started crying and belted "Dada!!!!" Todd raced to the landing at the top of the stairs and asked why she was crying. Nina was not just crying, she was furious!!! She explained that he had promised to take her up the stairs so she could watch him cut his hair. Todd apologized and told her he had barely started. I offered to take her up. She refused the first two times but then agreed that I could carry her up. When we returned from Cedars in August she refused to have anyone pick her up or hold her. Her equilibrium was all messed up. For months we couldn't pick her up, but then at the end of November she started allowing us to carry her. It felt so good, although her increased weight made it a bit harder :( Since we returned home from Turlock, she had started to refuse being carried again. This made me very sad!!

I carried her up stairs and she climbed onto the toilet (toilet seat closed of course!). By the time Todd turned the clippers back on she had stopped crying! I was walking down the stairs when I noticed Teddy slumped in his chair. I sat on the bean bag next to him and asked what was wrong.

Teddy sat in his black desk chair, skinny legs dangling from the adult-sized seat, and said that he couldn't stand hearing Nina cry, that it worried him that her crying was going to make us sad. I pulled on his bare feet and dragged his sweetness over to me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed the tops of his knees, reassuring him that we were okay and that she had just tantrummed because she wanted to see dad trim his hair. He shook his head in disagreement and confessed the following, "It's just that it's my  weakness!" I didn't follow so I asked him to clarify, to which he added "It just hurts me so much to see you guys cry! That's my weakness." I practically fell over. I was speechless! This little boy has the heart of a million adult men! What a gift from Heaven he is!!! I hugged him tightly and told him how much I loved him and that we were alright, even if we cry, we will always be alright. He hugged me back, even tighter then kissed the top of my head :)

I sat up and asked him if he wanted to grocery shopping with me. He declined because he wanted to settle Nina down by doing funny stuff to make her laugh, like his booty dance. What a heart of gold! Pure gold!!


  1. My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you~!
    The love that flows through your words and through your house flows swiftly and abundant from your home, out your door, down the blocks and into my own home. You are speaking volumns and I thank you for sharing your deepest emotions and for teaching us all how to seize the moments.

    Love, hugs, and prayers always!

  2. Thank you so much for sharing this. I feel for everyone in your family so much! You and your husband are some of the strongest people I have known, and I hope when I face difficult and despairing times I can also find the strength to respond with love.