Day 117

Sunday December 12, 2010

Today, we leisurely spent the day hanging out and relaxing. The kids ran around outside. Amazingly, Nina did everything she could to keep up. She has so much tenacity, it is wonderful to see. Yvonne was extremely happy to see Nina doing so well and loved spending every moment with her. She, Nina, and Sander played board games on multiple occasions. I loved hearing them all laugh. It had a familiar ring to it, but it also sounded different, more precious!

Nina, Sander and Auntie Yvonne playing Sorry.

Little Artists!!

Yvonne and I had planned last week that we'd do a late breakfast and then a semi-early dinner with a "Groumetten Party" Groumetten (also known as raclette) is a tradition that Yvonne and her Dutch family do regularly. For lack of a better way to describe it, it's a fancier fondue party! Instead of pots of cheese or hot oil, you have this oval hot plate where you can grill meats, veggies and cheeses on the top level or broil them in a cute little pan on the bottom level. Yvonne and Robert completely spoiled us and spent all afternoon cutting, dicing, chopping, and preparing sauces to accompany the feast. We were convinced the kids would love, love this dinner.

Choppin' Robert

Making toffee with Dada! Yum!!

Wrestle Time!

The Grommette dinner was amazing!!! Robert and Yvonne outdid themselves, and the kids.....well....the kids weren't as into it as we thought :) They ate but were done fairly quickly! Go figure! It always seems to work that way. As a parent, you get totally excited to show your kid something.You're convinced your child is going to love it but then they are like whatever. It's a real feel good. Every time this happens with Teddy and Nina, I tell myself I need to call my folks and apologize for every time Bruno and I did that to them :) Oh, the joys of parenting rugrats!!!

Groumetten

Done with dinner....Club Penguin here we come!

Saying goodbye was a nightmare. Niels and Teddy in particular have a very hard time saying goodbye to one another. They are just heartbroken and inevitably there are tears and tantrums :( The boys have been the best of buddies since birth so their bond is extremely deep. We hugged our precious friends goodbye like we do every year after our Christmas weekend but this time....this time it was different. We all hugged with breath abated...not wanting to let go, fearing that if we let go, the beauty and tranquility of this weekend might be hijacked by something awful...something none of us wanted to acknowledge at that moment, but even that act of avoidance made its presence so profound!

We waved goodbye to the Dawsons as the drove off. Teddy was profoundly grumpy! He stomped inside complaining how it was such a short time, how we didn't do anything fun, how it was a lame weekend and how they never get to see each other. I could feel my blood begin to boil. I tried to control my tongue....but alas I didn't! I wonder where my children get their spicy tongues and verbosity from?? I turned to Teddy and told him that I was disappointed that he was behaving so foully. That the grown-ups had worked very hard to create a wonderful, happy weekend and that per usual he was allowing one sad thing (the goodbye) to overshadow all of the good times. I told him that instead of focusing on saying goodbye he should focus on all the good times we had over the last couple of days!

Of course I didn't say this in the most loving of tones! I was irritated and worried at the same time. He is such a cup half-empty kind of kid and that stresses me out just as much as anything else because I fear for the ramifications that kind of attitude will have on his life. I have been pouring myself into this child for 8 years, praying and working diligently for him to learn to cope in a healthy way that won't allow him to slip down into those dark abysses that life throws our way. And now....there was an increased sense of urgency because we were all at the edge of the scariest and darkest abyss known to mankind. Consequently, I start to plummet when I hear him respond these ways. I start freaking out that nothing I am doing is going to help him through the road we may be forced onto!!! Aghhh!!!!!!!!

I really should have left Teddy alone. I need to learn to lay off myself! That is my challenge. I want to fix immediately and sometimes, actually most of the times, things just take time and patience! I am not a patient person!!! God continuously gives me opportunities to work on developing my patience, just like He gives Teddy opportunities to work on his positive attitude, and just like Teddy I struggle immensely!!! If only in the moment I could remind myself that I am just like Teddy but the difference is that he is 8 and is way ahead of the game!!! My fears overcome me and I desperately want to have him prepared. But he is 8!!! He is incredible!!! I am an adult and I'm not prepared. How can any of us ever be fully prepared?!?!?

I really, really should have left Teddy alone! But just like Teddy didn't control his negative attitude, neither did I control my lack of patience. As soon as I snapped at him, Teddy turned to me, furrowed brow and all, and said "There you go again!" Aghhh!!!! I could have screamed! We were both exhausted, physically, emotionally, psychologically. I should have shut my mouth and stopped engaging him but again....butt head mom didn't listen to her gut and persisted. I told him it was absolutely inappropriate that he speak to me that way, to which he added, "Why is it appropriate for you to bother me? I'm just sad! I miss my Niels!" Those words shot through my heart like a thousand searing bullets!!! I am such a jerk!!! is all I could think of! I should have allowed him the room to be sad, to process his emotions before jumping into my REFRAME mode!  Damn it it Rosy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I immediately stopped him and got down to my knees so that we were at eye level. I leaned in closely and told him I was deeply sorry! That he was right. That it is very sad to say goodbye to our friends and that I shouldn't have pushed him and that the reason I did was because I was worried that he not focus so much on the negative. I asked him if he could forgive me and he said yes, still irritated at me, which I couldn't blame him! He then told me he needed "alone time" and went upstairs to his room. I felt sooooo shitty!!! What a louse of a mother!!! Someday Teddy is going to write a book about surviving life with the world's bossiest mom!!! I have a feeling it's going to be a best seller!

About 30 minutes later, Teddy joined Todd and Nina downstairs and played Wii with them. Everyone was tired so bedtime was not particularly challenging. As I put away clothes in his dresser, Teddy reached for me and gave me a hug. He said, "I need some cuddle time with my Mamacita!" No joke!!!! That boy knows how to melt me like no other person on this earth!! We sat on his bean bag and he apologized for being grumpy and confessed that he had a good time but was just sad to say goodbye! I apologized again for being so intense and grumpy myself! I wish I could have just apologized for being a bitch, but that wouldn't quite win me any mother of the year awards, now would it :) I hugged Teddy tightly and kissed his freckled nose. I told him how much I loved him and how proud I was of him. I also told him that sometimes we all mess up; we all get grumpy, but that part of being a family is forgiving one another. I thanked him for forgiving me. He smiled and I kissed those darling lips once again!

Tired honey-girl, tired Dada....Club Penguin so much fun!! Get me more coins Dada!

Around 10pm Teddy called out for us. I was folding laundry. Todd was cuddling with Nina. I went to check on him and he told me he'd had a scary dream......about Batman! Right before bed he had watched a batman cartoon. Now the bad guys were in his head, he explained. I reminded him how he just needed to put another "movie" in his head by thinking about something good, like the fun things he had done with Niels. "I just need you to tickle me." he softly said so I climbed up and tickled his back until he fell asleep. Sometimes a boy just needs his mom to tickle his back!