When I returned from running some errands on Monday night, I found Todd laying on the couch. He said he'd been going through the book of Job and wanted to know if I wanted to listen to something he had just read. I about blew a gasket, poor guy!! I immediately told him, "NO!!!" and proceeded to expound that I was NOT Job and that this was NOT some modern-day living example of faithfulness. I told him that Job had not broken but that I would....I WAS reaching my breaking point!!!
Poor Todd! I know exactly what he was trying to share but it was too overwhelming! I do feel like I'm living my very own plague of Biblical proportions, on all fronts of my life, and he was just trying to be encouraging but I just couldn't take it!! Over the weekend, I had struggled so intensely....not just about the devastation of Nina's illness but about me, how this was transforming me, and more importantly my fear about how this would transform me into some hideous monstrous creature. I had never worried about that at any other point in my life. But now....my very existence was being taken to the brink practically on a hourly rate. It was just inhumane. How could anyone possibly survive this??? I knew the answer...no one could....God would have to carry me!
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