Day 23

Thursday September 9, 2010

I couldn't sleep last night. Nina slept. Then again, that's all she'd been doing this week. Her absence was haunting me. I didn't want to leave her side. I kept cuddling up next to her, touching her, breathing her in. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I don't even know what I was praying but I guess it doesn't matter. God knows our prayers even before they cross our meager human minds. He knows our hearts, our thoughts, our needs, our weaknesses, our strengths, our burdens, our gifts. He delights with us, in us, for us. His heart breaks with us, in us, for us. Most importantly, He carries us!! During the day I am not always cognizant of this. But in the stillness of the dark night, I am acutely aware!

I arrived to radiation with great trepidation. I was worried that Nina was being given too much sedative. I shared my concerns with Cindy. She smiled her perfectly reassuring smile. I shared my concerns with the anesthesiologist, Dr. Amador. This was his second time with Nina. He was a father of two little girls similar in age. He gave me a confident reassuring smile. Then God gave me a small miracle, one that I so desperately needed. Nina recovered from sedation in 20 minutes. Then she scarfed down her breakfast and proclaimed she wanted a ham sandwich! The words "I want a ham sandwich" never sounded so sweet! The girl loves her pork, but then again she is half Portuguese :)

We went home, we both ate ham sandwiches, and we both lounged on the mattress in the living room. Ironically, Nina didn't nap but I did, right next to her, and it felt so good!!

In addition to the quicker recovery, Dr. Slomiany had reduced the amount of steroids Nina was taking from 4mg to 2mg three times a day. I was relieved they were beginning to fade. Although I loved her chubby cheeks, the swelling the steroids produced quite bothered me.

The evening was spent hanging out with Nana, Papa and daddy. Teddy did his homework, while intermittently performing a somersault on the mattress. We watched Scooby Doo for the umpteenth time but we didn't mind. Heck we'll take Scooby over Sponge Bob any day!!!

Our house was a disaster. The floor in Teddy's room was complete but his toys and clothes were spread across the entire house. We were all tired. No one was really sleeping well, except for Nina that is. But the sheer fact that she'd been awake the majority of the day, even though still unresponsive and less interactive, was so encouraging. In our fatigue we were grateful for the glimmer of hope.