Today was an awful day!! The radiation treatment went fine but the rest of the day Nina slept. Unlike yesterday where she intermittently woke up, watched a movie and demanded food, today she was out. This was very distressing for us all (the adults that is). We just hoovered over her listless body, helpless, kissing her, silently willing her to wake up but afraid to bother her exhausted body.
Interestingly, Teddy seemed unfazed. He scooted in and out of the house, grabbing snacks, chatting with Nana and Papa, then returning outside to ride his bike some more. He never asked about Nina. A part of me ached. How could he not ask about her? How could he not be worried about how much she was sleeping? The other part of me was relieved. A month ago, Nina and Teddy were inseparable, connected at the hip. Now, it was all different. As I watched him walk past her sleeping body repeatedly without saying a word it dawned on me that perhaps her fatigue and sleepiness was a blessing in disguise. Perhaps this way he was becoming habituated to her absence. Perhaps this would help his heart not ache so severely if we don't get our miracle because he had gradually grown accustomed to her being "gone".
I followed Teddy outside and watched him play with his friends. His laughs and screams of childish delight echoed throughout the neighborhood. His beautiful face had sun-kissed cheeks and cracked lips (he always fights me to put on chap stick!). He looked so innocent, carefree, happy. I watched him maneuver his motor-cross bike up and down the cul-de-sac. "Hey mom, check this out!" he'd yell, zooming past me and performing some new daredevil trick. I love him so much but he had always been my challenge! At birth he was colicky. Potty training was a nightmare! He was afraid to poo in the toilet! Then he developed a variety of disruptive behaviors because he was so anxious. For example, when he was little he'd vomit if I dared to leave him with anyone for any reason, even his very own father. We had worked so hard to help him and now he was living proof of what hard work, sweat and tears can do. Nina had always been the easy one, the one we didn't have to worry about. Now, their roles were reversed in the most unfathomable of ways!
|Our tired girl|
|These are the masks they use on Nina on a daily basis for radiation. Once you see these you understand why she has to be sedated.|