Day 43

Wednesday September 29, 2010

Sometimes a girl just has to have cupcakes! That is what Nina decided needed to happen today. She was so brave and so compliant with treatment. As Addie and I hung out with her during recovery, she announced that she wanted a cupcake. So....that is what we did. We went to Crush Cakes, a local cupcake bakery. Nina and Adelae got two scrumptious cupcakes and I got a mini one, which Nina found to be very funny! Crush Cakes had also supplied the cupcakes that were served at Nina's Zoo Day Party. It is an unbelievably yummy bakery, owned by a lovely lady with a gigantic heart!!!



Having Addie around has been magical. It has increased Nina's energy to almost baseline levels. Nina talks, smiles, laughs, walks, argues, engages, and reciprocates more than ever. I pinch myself on occasion because it all seems too good to be true! Teddy and Nina have even been arguing more as of late. Prior to August 19th I couldn't stand their arguing because it was annoying and required us to....dare I say it....parent! But now, when they argue I experience two things: first, I am happy because it is so normal and I search desperately for anything that is normal these days; second, I am sad because a part of me wants to grab Teddy and tell him to just relax, that he may only have weeks left with his sister and he should do everything he can to make them sweet.

I immediately recognize how unfair it is for me to even think these things. Nothing is normal and it would be unconscionable to put such a burden on Teddy! He does not deserve that at all! It is our sole responsibility to support their relationship so that it is as sweet as possible. What is more, Teddy isn't always the culprit...it is totally 50/50! Nina is also distant with Teddy and is not always appreciative of the things he does for her. For example, today he bought her a pencil and eraser from the school book fair and she totally ignored his gesture! We prompted her to say thank you to no avail and we could tell that Teddy was disappointed. Eventually, hours later she thanked him...but it was too little too late.

I want everything to be as delightful as possible between Teddy and Nina because if she goes to Heaven, he will carry these memories for the rest of his life. I want them to be memories that inspire him and fill him with gratitude and happiness. I understand that all memories of her will be shadowed by loss and sadness but I want to do everything we can to minimize that pain! The only way to minimize that long-term pain is by what we do now. This is a very heavy responsibility and one that I had never really spent much effort on prior to her illness because I was always under the deluded impression that I had plenty of time. We are all in that deluded impression until something like this happens!!

After dinner, Nina tried on her flower girl dress for Adelae to see. She has been so excited about Eileen's upcoming wedding! Every time I think about Eileen and Dave coming out just for us I get overwhelmed! Nina tried on the dress then told her cousin about all of the wonderful details about the wedding, how it was going to be on the beach, how Teddy was the ring man, how she was going to have a basket with flower petals, and how Eileen was going to have a pretty dress. Nina looked stunning in her dress and our accolades made her blush....so sweet!!



Todd made milkshakes with whipped cream for everyone prior to bed. In Nina's we added the Miralax and we hope it didn't get mixed up with Addie's or Teddy's. The Miralax and dietary changes had done wonders with her constipation. There have been no problems in that department for a couple of weeks. I was/am grateful!

After teeth were brushed and potty runs made, I went upstairs to cuddle with Teddy for a while. Prior to crawling into bed I got distracted with brushing my teeth. After about 5 minutes, Teddy stormed into the bathroom and announced, "Okay mom...time is up. Let's get this show on the road because I need to sleep!" Who is this kid??????? Where does he come up with this stuff! Of course I started laughing hysterically, which only encouraged him to repeat it a second time! My boy is a sweet heart and unbelievable brave and funny. I just pray that he doesnt' get lost while this is all going on!

Aside from Teddy's comment, bedtime was normal and a cinch. Nina crawled right in bed, cuddled up next to Adelae and within a few minutes after prayer time, she was out. I wish I could go out like that. I crawled right in and cuddled with Addie. She just laughed. I reminded her of how much I loved her and what a blessing she was. She smiled and closed her eyes. I kissed both of my precious girls one more time and then went upstairs and kissed my boy one more time too. Then I went downstairs and had coffee in the dark. Coffee in the dark in the middle of the time has become my new favorite pass-time. I enjoy the quite and stillness and knowing that my family is safely asleep just feet away from me.