Saturday, October 2, 2010

I Feel Naked!

A couple of weeks ago, I had coffee with my friend Jimmy. Once we sat down, I did what I do best....blab about my kids :) As I told Jimmy a particularly funny story about Nina, I noticed a smile begin to spread across his face. Jimmy is a phenomenal friend and over the years has always indulged my need to tell story after story about my kids; I know I love these stories, so why wouldn't every one else :) However, Jimmy's smile wasn't a "Wow, that is a funny story!" kind of smile. It was a bit facetious, slightly rascally, like he knew something that I didn' I asked him what was so funny, to which he replied, "I remember reading that in the blog."

Great!! He'd already read it in the blog. I had spent the last several minutes telling him a story he already knew the punch line too! I turned to him and lamented that because of the blog I had no material left....Jimmy just laughed in agreement :)

I am so thankful for this blog for two interrelated reasons: being able to keep friends and family updated but also for being able to document every thought, emotion, activity, and event. As I have said before, I don't want to forget a single thing. A month and a half into this, I've already begun to forget details but when I go back and re-read earlier entries it all comes back instantaneously; that's how memories work...they are always buried in there, but sometimes we lose sight of the path needed to reach them. I don't want that ever to be the case with this journey with Nina.

What I didn't realize is how many people would be touched by our journey and would be reading my words. My experience with Jimmy is not unique :) All too many times these days, I get that smile from friends, neighbors, family member, even strangers. I don't mind it at all, it's just a bit surreal. As I told my friend, I feel naked, exposed, like my soul has been revealed to the entire world. It is a very strange feeling to be speaking to someone and then realize that they have seen you from the inside out, without you ever having directed a thing to them!

I can't sleep much these days. The insomnia coupled with my need to control something in my life has resulted in this blog being a huge blessing....a safe place where I can be unhinged when I need to and happy when I can be. It's just that when I'm writing my entries in the middle of the night, I'm usually by myself in a dark room, with no one around other than my precious sleeping daughter. What I didn't realize until coffee with Jimmy was that I'm actually not alone....the words I type out on my computer screen are visible to the entire world. Kind of wild :) Very humbling!

I am so thankful and moved that Nina is touching so many people. I just hope friends and family members won't mind that I repeat myself more than ever! I have always been a bit of a loon but I have fully developed into a cuckoo-bird :)


  1. Rosy,
    Your nakedness is beautiful and wonderful, raw and palpable, appreciated, respected, admired and truthful... I love how honest you are and how God has given you this strength to share all of your inner most thoughts and feelings with the ones that love you and the strangers that feel compassion and love for you. It is amazing how clear it is that this avenue of writting is indeed something of a gift that has been put in front of you. But, please know that your sharing has been a gift to many. You have no idea how much you have entered my thoughts and my prayers daily....It is life changing! You are a beautiful example of a mommy and what true unconditional love is. Your family is precious and your kids are so blessed to be loved and honored the way they are from you and Todd.

    May they always feel your love and security!
    Hugs and Prayers Always....

  2. Ditto Amy's thoughts! I have never read anything more honest and inspiring than your blog. You are giving an incredible gift to everyone who reads it. My only concern is that I wonder if Nina's Mommy is sometimes taking good enough care of herself. Please do. My thoughts and prayers are with you every day.

  3. rosy - I think I'm one of many who can't thank you enough for blogging. It is an honor to share in the precious memories you are making with your family and a privilege to see your momma bear love laid bare. I hope you know that (even without the blog!) there are hundreds and hundreds of us thinking of you every second of the day. Take care, Rosy.

  4. I would just be repeating exactly what Amy, Jim and Sarah had to say so I will just say "DITTO"! Blessings, Rosy, on you and Nina and your boys!

  5. Rosy, it's been the biggest blessing to read your blog and hear your heart voice through this journey. God has richly blessed you with the ability to share your heart so that I really feel like I'm there with you. This is Natalie Hsieh (formerly Natalie Wong). I met you as an introverted, self-conscious first-year grad student at UCSB 2004-2005, and you were a big answer to prayer to me as I sorted out how to faithfully live out the convictions God was putting on my heart to mature spiritually and figure out how to love and counsel people with His truth and love in mind. and what an amazing testimony God is writing in and through you and your family right now. you are choosing courage, hope, and fierce loyalty to the truth that God is good. how i admire and appreciate your honesty!! i thank you for teaching me about wise parenting and sacrificial love across the miles. Your family is bringing honor to Jesus and joy to so many hearts in ways that are beautiful.

    There are three songs of sure hope and joy in our God that I love these days and want to encourage your family with - sometimes just words don't do justice to the expression of the heart the way music can!

    "Before the Throne of God Above" - by Charitie Bancroft, sung by Selah

    "In Christ Alone" by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend:

    "You're beautiful" by Phil Wickham:'re+Beautiful

    If you want to purchase any or all of these songs, just let me know! I will gladly buy them for you all.

    and keep writing! your family is in my prayers.

  6. Hi, Rosie!
    I am one of those "strangers" that reads your blog daily and who prayes for you and your family and your sweet daughter daily. We went to high school together and I think we were even in Portuguese Club together...although I am a couple of years older. I found your blog thru a mutual friend on Facebook and one of my student aides, Derek Spycher, also told me about it!

    I am deeply involved with the American Cancer Society...Relay for Life inparticular! I have met so many amazingly strong and faithful people who have gone thru this journey. I am constantly humbled by people's strength and you are no different. Your writing is so honest, raw,funny, and beautiful and I am sure so theraputic for you. Thank you for sharing! We are praying in Turlock!

    ~Kristin Bettencourt