I Feel Naked!

A couple of weeks ago, I had coffee with my friend Jimmy. Once we sat down, I did what I do best....blab about my kids :) As I told Jimmy a particularly funny story about Nina, I noticed a smile begin to spread across his face. Jimmy is a phenomenal friend and over the years has always indulged my need to tell story after story about my kids; I know I love these stories, so why wouldn't every one else :) However, Jimmy's smile wasn't a "Wow, that is a funny story!" kind of smile. It was a bit facetious, slightly rascally, like he knew something that I didn't....so.... I asked him what was so funny, to which he replied, "I remember reading that in the blog."

Great!! He'd already read it in the blog. I had spent the last several minutes telling him a story he already knew the punch line too! I turned to him and lamented that because of the blog I had no material left....Jimmy just laughed in agreement :)

I am so thankful for this blog for two interrelated reasons: being able to keep friends and family updated but also for being able to document every thought, emotion, activity, and event. As I have said before, I don't want to forget a single thing. A month and a half into this, I've already begun to forget details but when I go back and re-read earlier entries it all comes back instantaneously; that's how memories work...they are always buried in there, but sometimes we lose sight of the path needed to reach them. I don't want that ever to be the case with this journey with Nina.

What I didn't realize is how many people would be touched by our journey and would be reading my words. My experience with Jimmy is not unique :) All too many times these days, I get that smile from friends, neighbors, family member, even strangers. I don't mind it at all, it's just a bit surreal. As I told my friend, I feel naked, exposed, like my soul has been revealed to the entire world. It is a very strange feeling to be speaking to someone and then realize that they have seen you from the inside out, without you ever having directed a thing to them!

I can't sleep much these days. The insomnia coupled with my need to control something in my life has resulted in this blog being a huge blessing....a safe place where I can be unhinged when I need to and happy when I can be. It's just that when I'm writing my entries in the middle of the night, I'm usually by myself in a dark room, with no one around other than my precious sleeping daughter. What I didn't realize until coffee with Jimmy was that I'm actually not alone....the words I type out on my computer screen are visible to the entire world. Kind of wild :) Very humbling!

I am so thankful and moved that Nina is touching so many people. I just hope friends and family members won't mind that I repeat myself more than ever! I have always been a bit of a loon but now....now I have fully developed into a cuckoo-bird :)