Monday, March 14, 2011


I put Teddy to sleep tonight. He had an amazing day. My folks came to visit and we took him to the beach where he ran around like a mad man, chasing Molly, screaming and having a total blast.

Needless to say, he passed out fairly quickly. Although I had some work and chores to do, I just lay next to Teddy and listened to him breathing. I know it's a bit creepy but I love to hear him breathe!!! I love the sound of him inhaling and exhaling and I love seeing his chest move up and down. Most of all I love to smell his smells like Teddy!!!!! I hate that I can't hear Nina breathe anymore; it tears my soul to shreds!!!

The thing is that I videotaped Nina sleeping because I knew I would desperately miss this, but I'm not ready to watch yet!!! I just want my memories of her sleeping for now!!!

Sleep has always been beautiful to me! I have always loved watching my kids sleep. They always looked so peaceful, so angelic, so perfect (regardless of how rascally they had been during the day!). But now when I think of Nina sleeping, all I can see is her not breathing.


  1. Teddy is such a blessing! I am happy that our prayers are being answered. What an amazing little man. I too love watching my children is absolute sweetness. It isn’t creepy…you are a mother that loves her child.

    This last weekend while on a retreat, we did the Stations of the Cross. We meditated on how Mary felt watching her son suffering on his way up to Calvary through each station. I couldn’t stop thinking of you and how the suffering you have endured must feel very much like what our Blessed Mother felt watching her son Jesus suffer and die. But it had to be so that salvation may enter the world. It is so hard to understand why Nina had to go to Heaven now, but blessings will come out of this. She is with Jesus praying for you.

    You and your family are always in my prayers. May you find comfort and strength in Jesus’ mother Mary. And my our Lord give you peace.

    With Love,

  2. I continue to pray for you and your family. I just read a book about a young boy who saw heaven. I picture Nina there.

  3. I think that being witness to the beauty of your children sleeping and breathing is a miracle in itself. Those moments are truly ones to be cherished. I believe we have all sat in wonder and amazement in the wee hours of the night looking over our children.

    They are our miracles from above and forever will remain the greatest gifts ever!

    my thoughts are with you daily!