I just returned from a long, long emotional walk...surrounded by nothing other than darkness and the stillness of the night. The cool crisp night air my companion. My heart was very heavy tonight. I could not sleep, for a variety of reasons, but the main one being that today we will start giving Nina her Chemo medication. During the course of last week, her symptoms have all been gradually returning. It is like reliving the beginning of August, however, this time without the initial blissful ignorance. Now....we know what is happening...what may come. This month has been so extraodordinary. She had gotten so strong...but now she is slipping again...and my heart is so heavy. I question everything!
But then....in the middle of the dark and scary night, a light appears, like the headlights of a car, shedding light onto my path. I am reminded that God does love me! And I am reminded of all the unexpected gifts that are being poured into my life...the hugs, the kisses, the sweetness, the pure love. My prayer for today is that God gives me strenght to be thankful for each and every one of these gifts. I don't want to lose sight of them! I am thankful!!
Now, I'm going to crawl into bed and actually be able to peacefully sleep....thanks to all of those unexpected gifts!
Praying and thinking of you always~! Nina remains in my heart and prayers daily...
ReplyDeleteAs I start my chemo tomorrow my only hope is that I can be as brave and strong as Nina. I have never met her, but I love her and she is my heroine.
ReplyDeleteI look at her pictures and smile- and remember that she brings such joy to her family- you are in my heart Rosy= as is Nina, Teddy and Todd;
ReplyDeleteIn hopes of easing your family's suffering, and for what it's worth in heaven, I offered up 24 hours of labor in Nina's name--in pangs of contractions, losing consciousness and uncertainness, she was in my thoughts and prayers...I feel like Stella's entrance into this world was blessed with Nina's strength and courage. A gift for sure...
ReplyDeletePraying with and for you and the family!! Love that you not only knew the peace in your head but felt it. Standing with you and your family!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Rosy,
ReplyDeleteI'm Zulmira and Sebastian Sousa's daughter from Turlock. I remember seeing you around OLA growing up. I have cried, laughed and smiled while reading your blog. You are so strong! Your family is beautiful and strong too. I feel like I've gotten to know your adorable kids and you and Todd. However isolated or lost you may feel please remember you are not alone! Along with God there are hundreds of people reading the story of your life that you post here; reading, praying and hoping so much for Nina to be healed. I send you love and a hug
Rosy,
ReplyDeleteWhen I was walking in your shoes someone reminded me that we should be like a child. They have no fear! No fear of what if. No fear of death! This is why they stand at the edge of a 12 ft. deep swimming pool & just jump!! Know how to swim or not! God always provides! I am so proud to hear that you see his light in all of the dark that the world throws at us!
My Family & I are with you in Spirit & Prayer. My prayers for strength are out there for you!
Blessings. ~Susan Q.~
Praying for your family! I read your blog often and love attention to detail in drawing us all in. ((hugs)) all round! God is in control. :)
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